These Words shared by My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."